There’s never been a generation like today’s youngst generation.
The distractions and virtual realities have never existed in the way they do today. And to say they do not affect children would be a terrible misdiagnosis. Getting back to the basics of life will bring a balance that is not only mentally healthy, but desperately needed.
Here are 10 ways you can help your child have more happiness in life:
Less Screen time.
Research shows that being outdoors rapidly increases brain development and growth in many areas. Limiting screen time to 30 minutes a day or to weekends only will drastically improve the creativity and communication skills of children. Brain research also shows that children who consume too much screen time suffer in the development of the brain, communication skills, and interpersonal relationship skills with others. The more time children have to engage in free play, the more they will develop across the spectrum. This includes emotional growth.
2. More time outside in nature.
“Keep your children wild. Don’t make them grow up too fast. Let them spend their days in the sunshine using their imagination. They are the change! Those wild children, daydreaming in the sunshine will grow into grounded adults with minds and spirits capable of creating a better future.” Brooke Hampton
Kids NEED time outside in nature, daily. It’s where we are wired and designed to be. It’s where we connect in other ways and gain understanding.
There’s a wonderful website called 1000hoursoutside.com which exists to match nature time with screen time. It is estimated that the average child today consumes 1,000+ hours of screen time a year. We can and should shift these precious childhood hours to something more productive and healthy! The website suggests that children should be outside 4–6 hours every day.
We are not always outside for 4–6 hours a day, but I do think this is a worthy goal. We go outside every day that the weather allows, for 4–8 hours. On the perfect weather days of fall and spring, we are outside literally all day long, 8 am-8pm . From the time we wake up , the kids want to be outside in the perfect temps, and they stay there playing and reading until the sun goes down. On these cool autumn nights we also build campfires to enjoy the outdoors even more. It’s just irresistible. So for the autumn and spring days, we stay outside for maybe 10 hours.
We want our children to experience life through the lens of nature more than they do through screens . The idea is that once you allow your children to experience time in nature, they are free to get lost in it. They rapidly develop because their imaginations flourish, and nature provides a rich sensory environment in which to grow. (paraphrased from 1000hoursoutside.com)
“The single most important form of learning is Observation.” David LAncy, The Anthropology of learning in childhood.
“Play is nature’s way of teaching children how to solve their own problems, control their impulses, modulate their emotions, see from others perspectives, negotiate differences, and get along with others as equals. There is no substitute for play as a means of learning these skills. They cannot be taught in school.” Dr. Peter Gray, Free to Learn book.
“We have a terrible irony in the name of education. We have increasingly deprived children of the time and freedom they need to educate themselves. We are in a crisis that continues to grow more serious with each passing year. We have lost sight of the natural way to raise children. We have created a world in which children must suppress their natural instincts to take charge of their own education, and instead mindlessly follow paths to nowhere laid out for them by adults.” Dr. Peter Gray
This is to say, there is a way of nature in which children become self educated not in the book sense, but in the life sense. It offers a path to learning personal responsibility, independent thought, self initiative, self assertion, creativity, imagination, and ability to take a risk.
This is not to say that academic education is not important. We believe that both are equally needed for a well rounded, inspired child. Time in nature as a classroom to learn the things that books cannot teach. Time in books to learn what generations value.
It is a changeable fact that human children have never moved as little as they do today. And it is our goal to make sure our children are out in nature as much as possible.
3. More free play, creating in their element.
Every child has innate ability, with a core design. This design and interest causes them to gravitate without prodding, to what they love most. Children are born with curiosity about the world, and a desire to explore and find the answers to the questions that drive them.
Oftentimes, if a child is not allowed to pursue these interests, if their time is swallowed up with other forced activities, they will learn to forget their interests. They will put aside the natural interests they have after a time, which is truly a tragedy if there ever was one. They become conditioned to ignore the inner compass of their purpose.
However, if they are allowed to seek out their interests, if their time is not swallowed up with forced activity, they will grow and increase their ability and fulfill purpose. This is not to say they should never have structured time. It is to say that seeking their interests should be equal to or greater than structured time.
One of my children is an artist who loves to paint and draw, alot. Another child is an outdoors lover and athlete. Another child enjoys hand crafting, knitting, crochet projects so much she will do it for hours a day. Another child is a master pianist and musician of all instruments. She enjoys it so much she would spend all day doing music. Another child likes to sing and dance and take care of animals. They each have their own interests and things they are naturally good at. We encourage these interests by giving them supplies and time to do them.
4. Give verbal praise at any small improvement.
Children need lots of positive reinforcement and praise with any effort or progress they make. They can be very hurt by words that are critical or discouraging, and not have a desire to even try. However, you can easily motivate and inspire them with affirmation by saying things like “you really did a great job!” , or “I like the way you did that’’. It really doesn’t take much to bring a smile of encouragement.
5. Use emotion-balancing essential oils of nature.
The liquids of plants are called essential oils, and for thousands of years, cultures around the world have used them since ancient times. They have been used for supporting emotional balance, mental clarity, focus, physical needs, calmind the body and mind, and spiritual practices. They are used in thousands of ways. For improving mood we use any of these: Joy, white angelica, peace and calming, valor, harmony, stress away, orange, and lavender. How to use them? Put a small drop on the brain stem (back of neck), or forearms, behind ears, on the belly button, chest, or bottom of feet, crown, forehead. Always inhale a few times before applying. We love to diffuse different combinations to lift the mood of the family. Plant oils are safe, not toxic, and have only positive effects in comparison to house room sprays, candles, or plug ins which have 60 chemical artificial compounds and fragrances which are harmful to the lungs.
We apply essential oils for our children every day, and we diffuse every day as well. This helps so much with the overall outlook and mental balance. Our favorite mix in the diffuser is 7 drops of Orange essential oil, 2 drops of Joy, and 3 drops of peppermint. This is invigorating and uplifting! When our little ones get into a bad mood, we use any of the above oils topically to help them feel better. For children under 4, you can find a dilution ratio on any search site for how to dilute essential oils chart for kids. It is usually 1 tablespoon of carrier oil like coconut oil or olive oil, to 1–3 drops of essential oil for very small kids, then more essential oil as they grow. To learn more about using oils for your family, read here : YLEO — Crystal Stafford (squarespace.com)
6. Responsibility.
Responsibility offers opportunity for success.
When a child is given a responsibility as part of the family, they understand that they are important and needed in the structure of the family. When they do a job well, they can be given praise and appreciation. We give each of our children a task or chore to do each day in the house. They know that mom and dad cannot do it all on their own , and that we need their help. If the child is not willing to help, then you can choose an incentive or consequence to help them be motivated. But it is a necessary step to becoming a responsible and happy adult, to first take the step of being taught responsibility as a child. The more they do this, the more easily they will take on a good work ethic as they grow up. My teenagers are helpful because they were allowed to help as kids. They will grow in their ability to be responsible until they are mature adults. My kids are grateful and happy because they appreciate the work that others do for them, when they themselves see what it feels like to work. They understand the value of a job done well and they become aware and grateful when others offer help to them.
7. Structure their routine, so they are not aimless.
Children thrive with a little structure in the day. A routine is a great way to give them many options, and many choices of what they can do in the day. There is no limit to the creativity and fun they can have when you structure the day. In our house we make a list of “Things I Can Do” and put that list on the wall where all the kids can see it. This list is also included in my book “Liberated Learning” , which is an ebook on Amazon, and a print book. Audio book soon to come. You can make a list of your own “Things I Can Do” and post it where the kids can see it. We also make a list called “Daily Routine” (this is also in my book ) where they can see a guide map for the day, or what is next at any time of the day. There is always something fun to do, and with a list like Things I Can Do, they will never need to say they are bored, or lacking ideas.
8. Consistency with rewards and consequences.
Children need us to be consistent , so they can form their responses to our boundaries. If we ask them to do something, like clean their room, when they do it well we can offer praise such as, “I like the way you cleaned your room!” or if they do not do it, we can offer a positive motivation like ice cream on Saturday or a consequence like no video games on friday. It really just depends on your specific child and how many times you have prepared them and taught them to do it. In our house, in order to have the privilege of playing any video games on the weekend, they must show that they are doing their daily chores, and daily studies on weekdays. If they do their responsibilities, they get the privilege of playing games on the weekend.
9. Require respect in word, tone, and body language.
Doctor James Dobson is a family counselor and seasoned family psychologist. He has written many books on parenting which I love and recommend. In his books he says that there are 3 things that must always receive immediate action and discipline. Those are:
1. Disrespect
2. Defiance
3. Disobedience
Respect in word and action is a personal boundary issue, and we must require respect from everyone in the family in order to teach them how to exist together peacefully. Respect is a non-negotiable factor. We do not allow one child to be disrespectful to another in any way. We are each made in the image of the Creator, and because His Image is in each of us, we honor Him in the people we live with in the family and those we meet elsewhere. A child feels safe when they know that they are protected from disrespect and they become content when they know they are also required to show respect to others and that others are protected as well. That is the sacred job of the parent. Boundaries are a must and a life-giving wall of protection that every adult must first learn, and then teach them diligently to their children. (this info on boundaries and how to implement them is also in the “Liberated Learning” book). To learn more about the “Liberated Learning” book, see Amazon listing here https://a.co/d/fh2nTji
and the Starter Guide to Homeschool is here Amazon.com: Where Do I Start?: A Homeschool Starter Guide eBook : Stafford , Crystal: Kindle Store
10. Love Language. Be intentional with it.
Every door has a key; A key that turns the lock and opens the way.
This is the hidden reality of a love language. What is a love language?
A great book on love languages was written by Gary Chapman, titled “The Five Love Languages: How to express heartfelt commitment to your mate”. This book was so successful that it soon had other books of the same vein, such as “The Five Love Languages for Teens” and for kids, and for singles, and for Men, for the Military, etc.
There are very effective strategies in this book for relating well to others. One of the strategies is how to identify the needed love language of those you have a relationship with. We see how to identify and communicate love effectively to those in your life. This tool comes in as an essential key with your children. They must feel seen, heard, and understood in order to feel loved by you.
One idea I learned in the book was that we all have a different love need, which generally comes in 5 forms. And, most of us have one dominant way we feel loved, and a secondary way we need to be loved. Different people give and receive love in different ways. If you can learn to recognize these preferences in yourself and in your relationships, you can find the root of conflict, and connect much more clearly.
You can learn more about the five love languages for children, and how to speak them well, in the “Liberated Learning” book.
A brief list of the five are:
1.Words of Affirmation
2. Acts of Service
3. Quality time
4. Gifts
5. Touch
As you can see, there are many tangible things you can do to improve the happiness and general peaceability of the child in your home. There are so many positive things you can do, don’t ever be discouraged! One step at a time, the small steps will take you to big places!
Xo,
Crystal
Crystal is a veteran teacher, parenting expert and coach, who has taught children for twenty five years. She has taught her own six children for twenty years, and has written two books. She has a podcast on spotify called “The Crystal Clear Podcast”, and a Youtube channel called “The Teachable Parent”- The Teachable Parent — YouTube . She also offers coaching calls on zoom or by phone for educational strategy and parenting strategy. You may contact her for coaching information by email at crystalstafford35@gmail.com.